A Year of Writing to Uncover the Authentic Self (AYWUAS) - Preamble

A few months ago I signed up to a course on The Daily Om called "A Year of Writing to Uncover the Authentic Self". I receive an email lesson every week that includes writing prompts to further me on my writing journey of self-discovery.

Soon after I signed up to this course, lockdown 2.0 happened followed by and intersected by many health challenges - mental, physical, spiritual. Some of them still go on, and yet I am building a sense of self like never before.

Today I found DreamWidth after years and months of lamenting about the loss of livejournal and the grief of not having the safe and familiar space to write to. While LJ still exists, everyone left and it was no longer the hang-out place it used to be.

I feel called to resume my writing and journaling journey here. A good time to start on the course, if there was any.

And so it begins.

PS - By all means, this journal will have more than just my course work. It will have all of my interests in one. Integration.

AYWUAS #1 - Roadblocks

The lesson says, "When you discover something that is standing in your way from achieving your goals, you always have a choice. You can either stop and avoid the challenge, or you can find a way to climb that wall. And if you can't climb it, you can do everything in y our power to go around it, dig under it, or maybe even plow right through. (...) You create your future by committing to it and taking that first step into the unknown."

When I ponder on this, lately my desire and motivation to climb walls seems to be different. I am finding that I don't have much interest in scaling walls, rather my journey needs to be more aligned at the moment. Instead of scaling any walls or trying to dig through them, I walk away from the wall and find that there was a garden, a stream, butterflies and rainbows that were calling upon me but I was too busy digging underneath or grappling with a wall that wasn't of my choosing.

So what are the roadblocks on my self-discovery writing journey? 

One is definitely the fact that I get called to write late at night but this doesn't align well with a healthy adult lifestyle, my early-starting work day and my rest-needing/craving body. And yet when I write here now, it feels like home and it feels like rest. So perhaps the biggest roadblock was not having a place where I wanted to write.

And that roadblock has been resolved today. I realised that I had been on Livejournal for 8 years. No wonder it felt like the place I was looking for. I am so grateful to this site that brought back that experience and vibe into my life. 

Now it doesn't matter whether I write everyday, every week or all the time. But I have a place to go write that feels like home, when I get called to.

So roadblocks that will prevent me from doing this - nothing comes to mind right now. And if I do find a wall, I will just turn around and who knows I might discover yet another glorious green garden instead.

Insights from "Healing by Human Design"

Today I stumbled upon a video about food, diet and human design. It was the most comprehensive and well-explained video I have seen so far. I wanted to write notes to myself to refer back to later and perhaps some thoughts on how I might use these insights in my own journey.

There was a lot of explanation about how according to the human design, the energetic channels for food, love, community, belonging and sexuality are the same. So if there is lack of love or a feeling of being unlovable, lack of support, community and a sense of belonging, or if there has been history of sexual abuse (as in my case) or sexual assault or lack of sexual expression and connection - a person may eat to activate and have access to these pathways.

Open Energy Centres

Another interesting thing that stood out to me was, where there is lack of definition in some energy systems and channels, the energetic body can go into protection mode and it does so by accumulating fat because it dulls the sharpness and intensity of whatever the person experiences acutely. So if any of the below energy centres are open, then this can tie into protection mechanisms:

1. The identity centre (sense of knowing who I am distinctly from others) - if this is open, then the person takes on other people's identities and amplifies it and their own sense of identity is variable
2. The emotional centre - a person with this one open is an emotional empath who feels and amplifies other people's emotions
3. The sacral centre - a person with this centre open is amplifying life force energy from around them but they are not designed to carry this energy all the time. Inability to release or process this energy can lead to frying of the circuits a.k.a. the nervous system. True for manifesters, projectors and reflectors. Requires a lot of consistent rest and rejuvenation alone, away from everybody else.
4. The root centre - is responsible for adrenal energy and leads to pressure. Even with a healthy diet, one can still keep the weight and fat to protect from the pressure the person feels
5. The spleen centre - if this is open, the person is very sensitive intuitively and sensitive to immune responses of others. They may even be a medical intuitive and be able to sense other people's health issues. If this is open, one can feel everyone else's fear and amplifying it and carrying weight can be a protection from this energy

Other things that are important that affect health and energy

1. Conditioning - Comes from life experiences i.e. beliefs about oneself that were formed based on life experiences\
2. Imprinting - a person's family of origin may have different types of human design types. While the person is living with them, they would take on some of their family's energetic patterns and also would have access to the energy of their family. However, when (or if) they go out into the world and start to live their life alone, then they will notice the way they did things no longer works
3. Generational Energy Patterns - Human design and energy blueprint is inherited from grandparents. So when a person heals themselves and their lives, it starts to heal across generations
4. Genetics - Your actual DNA and genes
5. Mistaken motivations - We are designed to give and take energy. If our energy needs are not met in a healthy way over time, we can develop behavior patterns that get our energy needs met inappropriately. E.g. a 2 year old has a need to be empowered but was not given the opportunity to say no to things, they may become aggressive to assert their power or suppress their need for empowerment.

9 Keys of Resilience

1. Lovability
2. Empowerment
3. Courage
4. Decisiveness
5. Emotional Wisdom / Emotional Intelligence
6. Self trust / Inner sense of knowing / intuition / inner wisdom
7. Leveraging energy - consistent patterns of effort, rest and relaxation
8. Self-worth and self value
9. Authenticity and authentic self expression

Another thing that can stand in the way is the lack of belief. A person has to have the conviction, "I believe that I can be healthy and vital."

Integrated Healing At All Levels
For true and permanent healing to happen, healing needs to happen at all levels. Our bodies have the following levels - physical, vital, mental, emotional, supramental and bliss body. The healing needs to be aligned, integrated and accomplished at all up to the bliss body. Here's what each of these levels signify:

1. Physical - Manifestation, physical reality, doing the right thing for one's body e.g. eating well and movement
2. Vital - Energetic blueprint, this is qi / prana, what ayurveda and acupuncture work on
3. Mental + Emotional - Conditioning field of life experiences and the meanings one associated with them and internalised
4. Supramental - the quantum field of finite possibility, of new meanings, cosmic creativity
5. Bliss Body - the quantum field of infinite possibilities (also, same as the Mystic Law and Nam-myoho-renge-kyo)

My Personal Takeaways and Next Steps

1. Listening to this reminded me of the power of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. How chanting in itself can help bring about healing, connection and alignment at all levels. I will soon go and chant, after I finish writing this post.
2. I am a manifester with diet of "Direct - Light", which means I must eat only during the daylight hours. While I was a bit delayed today, but this is my only new rule for food - eat only when light. This is how I was until the age of 21, when this was ruined by being forced to comply with my tyrannical uncle I was living with, my mother who would not let me live on my own and would not stand up for me and my own lack of development and confidence to just up and leave and live alone. I hadn't yet found my way into my own self. Time to change this again.
3. It is great for me to keep continuining the work I have been doing on all of these levels with different pracitioners and on my own e.g. Rolfing for the physical, Kinesiology for the Vital, Therapy, Journaling and ACA for the Mental and Emotional, Work and writing for the supramental and practising Nichiren Buddhism for the Bliss Body. I got it covered!

I so loved learning about this today and so enjoyed writing this post for myself to refer back to. So loving being here.
What a wonderful life. <3