popcorn09: life is beautiful image with butterflies (Default)
It has been a long while since I wrote here. I guess my vacation ended and it has taken me a long while to start to find my marbles and find some sort of rhythm and capacity to do "life". It doesn't help that this website doesn't have a mobile site or mobile app. I often myself in bed wanting to write but far away from my computer that I can't be bothered to open and type on. 

Wish there was an easier way. 

I think another challenge is that my brain wants me to keep my thoughts and emotions hidden rather than write about them. At first I suspected it was about keeping my feelings private, not wanting to share of my inner journey on a public journal. However, I could avoid doing that but simply making an entry private. Perhaps it is the not wanting to make the effort to process my feelings and witness and acknowledge them, somehow if I write about them then I can no longer deny or suppress them, also can avoid feeling shame for my feelings and quirks, that I initiated as defects. 

Now that I've acknowledged that, I need to work out a way to write when I'm in bed because that's really what I want to do. Let's see how I can find a way that doesn't feel incredibly tedious. 

PS - notes to self - write about Batman, about my family mountainy a campaign to renew the configuration, crime and punishment TV shows to babe a few
popcorn09: life is beautiful image with butterflies (Default)
The lesson says, "When you discover something that is standing in your way from achieving your goals, you always have a choice. You can either stop and avoid the challenge, or you can find a way to climb that wall. And if you can't climb it, you can do everything in y our power to go around it, dig under it, or maybe even plow right through. (...) You create your future by committing to it and taking that first step into the unknown."

When I ponder on this, lately my desire and motivation to climb walls seems to be different. I am finding that I don't have much interest in scaling walls, rather my journey needs to be more aligned at the moment. Instead of scaling any walls or trying to dig through them, I walk away from the wall and find that there was a garden, a stream, butterflies and rainbows that were calling upon me but I was too busy digging underneath or grappling with a wall that wasn't of my choosing.

So what are the roadblocks on my self-discovery writing journey? 

One is definitely the fact that I get called to write late at night but this doesn't align well with a healthy adult lifestyle, my early-starting work day and my rest-needing/craving body. And yet when I write here now, it feels like home and it feels like rest. So perhaps the biggest roadblock was not having a place where I wanted to write.

And that roadblock has been resolved today. I realised that I had been on Livejournal for 8 years. No wonder it felt like the place I was looking for. I am so grateful to this site that brought back that experience and vibe into my life. 

Now it doesn't matter whether I write everyday, every week or all the time. But I have a place to go write that feels like home, when I get called to.

So roadblocks that will prevent me from doing this - nothing comes to mind right now. And if I do find a wall, I will just turn around and who knows I might discover yet another glorious green garden instead.


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popcorn09: life is beautiful image with butterflies (Default)
popcorn09

July 2022

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